loukasenna: (Default)
[personal profile] loukasenna
Yes, I am Swedish actually. Thanks. Yes, very proud. Well no, we're not all tall and blond, as, you know, evidenced by me right now. No, no, the suicide rate is the same as in comparable countries as far as I know, maybe even a little lower. No, the Swedish Chef from the Muppets doesn't actually speak Swedish. No, there are no raindeer in the streets. Or polar bears. No, we're not excessively promiscuous. Yes, of course most of us know who our father is. We're not morons. We're no different than ...

Actually, you know what? I just lied to you. I lied and I lied, and then I lied some more. Sorry about that. I am actually blond. As blond as anything. This? Hair dye. Gotta change it up sometimes, know what I mean? And the suicide rate, oh boy, did you know that almost 50% of us kill ourselves every year? Yeah, I know, it's insane. A miracle there are any of us left, really. Oh, and I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. The Swedish Chef is actually reciting wellknown Swedish poetry while cooking and throwing things about. It's a beautiful thing and brings tears of joy to the eye of every Swede who hears him. Also, now that you bring it up, do you have any idea how sick I am of the fucking raindeer? I mean, you can hardly turn around in this country without bumping into another raindeer. Not to mention the goddamn polar bears. If I had a krona for every polar bear that tried to eat my shoes I'd be swimming in money right now. No, seriously. Oh, and I meant to say, I'd love to fuck you, really I would. Right now if I could, but unfortunately I'm recovering from an STD and gotta be careful for a little while. Yeah, you know how it is. Life's a bitch. But what do you say? Raincheck?
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loukasenna: (Default)

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